I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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