How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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