I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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