Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
