did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just gargled with NyQuil
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
