I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
