yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
