4 words: hood of his car
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
