An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
