I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
