I looked at my own cervix.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize