I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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