Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
