Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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