R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
