it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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