she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
