I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Sext me about skeletons
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
