I got her a Nickelback box set.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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