Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i was born a porn star she said
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
