I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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