i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
