We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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