Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm just crazy horny about you
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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