dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
