Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i believe in u and ur pee
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize