He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
