I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
