3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
