I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize