i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
