so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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