Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
