I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
