Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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