You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
