She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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