Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
