Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
