The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
