dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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