Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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