Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize