vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
