this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I can feel your judgement through the phone
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
