How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
