can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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