i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
