are you so shy because you have an std?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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