At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
