I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
