im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
