great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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