i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
