I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
