my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
