a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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