You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize