I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
