oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
