By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
