Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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