i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
