If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
