i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My pussy is not your playground.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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