we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize