This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
