So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
