I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
