I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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