he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize