I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
