whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize