I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
