You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
