mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
