why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
