I wish I could teleport
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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