Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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