I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Sex in the backyard? Check.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
