apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
