you would pick up someone in the library
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
