When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
