I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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