I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just blew my weed a kiss
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
is that a dick in a sweater?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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