It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He shit in the fireplace
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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