I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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