Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
