fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
