remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
