worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
