dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
