you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
