Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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