google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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