Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
