Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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