The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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