just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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