I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
