I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
