I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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