I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
